Resilience

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What did we learn this week? A Betty who can master being resilient will always be fen steps ahead of you.

Resilience is defined as the ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.

For example: you have worked for an ass of a boss for two years. He promised you a raise and promotion. Instead, he fires you. You had your heart set on that. Not to mention, many financial goals and plans based off your new raise. Instead of moping or plotting your revenge; be resilient. Brush it off and go find something better.

In life you have to learn to bounce back from everything. Those who dwell on things can never move forward in a positive way.

So next time life hits you with a curveball remember to be resilient.

Xo,
The Ultimate Betty

Never doubt a female..seriously.

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Anything you can do I can do better.

Remember that little chant growing up? Well, last night one of these Betties got to prove just how right it can be.

I had a little build-it-yourself storage shelf to put together. As I texted one of my male friends the picture of what I was about to assemble he replied with “not a shot in hell you’re going to put that together. Do you even have tools?” Immediately, I shot back that I would now definitely make sure it gets put together.

There is nothing like the doubt of a person to make another person want something more. I was so determined, it didn’t matter how long it took (an hour btw). Between the doubt and the tools remark, I wasn’t about to let a guy make me feel inferior.

icandobetter

We gals do what we want.

xo,

The Ultimate Betties

Bite your Tongue!

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Betties, this one is going to be short and sweet and this is why; because we say what we want when we want. Seriously.

saywhatyouwant

The older we get and the more situations that we encounter, the more we learn to truly speak our minds. Growing up, we tried to bite our tongues when we were mad in lieu of keeping ourselves on the safe side. Not any more honey, say what you want!

Speak that mind of yours. Someone put you down? Leave you high and dry with no explanation about why they wanted out? Or perhaps they just annoy the ever-living sh*t out of you. Tell them what has been eating at you all this time. If you choose to put it nicely, so be it but don’t hold back your feelings too long. Everyone should say what they want and ask the questions they need to acquire the answers they deserve.

And remember to not feel bad about it once it’s over. People will respect the blunt truth over the hiding of a lie, just to avoid feelings or awkwardness.

..At one point it is what you wanted to say.

XO,

The Ultimate Betties

Commitment

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When you first read that word, did it scare you? Did you feel your anxiety level rising? If so, that’s a sure way to find out if you’re really a commitment-phoebe.

commitment

If you didn’t start hyperventilating when you read that, congratulations! You very may have a much easier life than the rest of them. But most of us know the real commitment issues come from men. We were recently talking to someone who put it perfect: “Men don’t make commitments, they fall into them.” It’s.so.true.

That guy you’ve pursued, yeah the one you keep playing the cat and mouse game with..don’t force him. It’s as simple as this..if it’s meant to be it will! If you can’t wait then it’s not for you. Make all the excuses you want, you can’t compare apples and oranges. Ryan Gosling in The Notebook and Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love two completely different “characters.”

If you get to this point where you’re sick of playing the game but you want a commitment you need to sit back and think..is this person really worth it? From there, you will know.

Think smart, with your mind and your heart.

xo,

The Ultimate Betties

The Giving Tree

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Are you the type of person who constantly gives? to the point where it’s a major fault and leaves you feeling depleted? Everyone occasionally feels like this, but there is definitely a ‘type’ of person out there that gives until they have absolutely nothing.

We are very into astrology (we always take it with a grain of salt) but one particular horoscope this week stuck out to us. “Being a giver is wonderful – as long as the recipients are worth of your gifts.

We aren’t advising you to become the worlds biggest bitch and say no so much it’s the only word in your vocabulary. However, putting yourself first is healthy. It’s vital to making yourself happy as well as successful. Everyone is always preaching that givers are far more rewarded than takers. MAYBE that is true BUT at what point will YOU be the one who is taking a little while others give to you. It has to be just the right type of balance.

Never let anyone take advantage of you or make you feel that you cannot get things accomplished YOU need to because their tasks are more important. It’s healthy to say no every now and then. Never stretch yourself too thin. The only person that hurts is YOU.

Xo,

West Coast Betty

Single & Ready to Mingle

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Ask yourself if you’re ready to mingle before doing so. Are you really ready to mingle? Have you ever seen the movie Swingers? If not, you need to watch it.

I know who I’ve been in relationships. The first time I meet someone I should be wearing a T-Shirt that reads: “Run away. Don’t walk.” Why? Because this chick has work to do before she can ever contribute to a healthy, monogamous relationship with another. For now, I think I will go to Ikea and buy a bamboo tree instead of trying to date.

Take the guy in Swingers, for example. He gets a girl’s number out at a club the first night he meets her. Then, he calls her repeatedly the same evening and leaves voicemail after voicemail on her answering machine until the tape runs out. His voicemails are so lengthy that the machine cuts him off on every attempt. He proceeds to call her back and explain himself. But what happens? The machine continues to cut him off. So he calls back. And on and on and on. You get the point. What I’m trying to say is I’m that guy. You’ve either done this or had it done to you at some point in your life. I haven’t the first clue how to date. In my previous relationship I got lucky because it was love at first sight. Our connection was instant. And yes, I do believe in love at first sight. But, the challenge is maintaining love. Without the proper tools it fades. We skipped the dating stage and lasted several years. But throughout the relationship, I played the same tape over and over again until it finally ran out. She was done. I was done. There was nothing left to give.

I like the phrase single and ready to mingle. It’s catchy. It’s cute. What is mingling anyway? Is it meeting someone new, charming them into bed, into their life and then, Bam! You’re stuck with them for at least the next one to five years.

Single and ready to mingle can be fun, but when a person says it, how can you really tell if they’re ready? I’m 32 going on 25 and this is the first time I’ve ever pondered this question. Hmm…newsflash captain obvious – if you have to question if you’re ready to mingle, chances are you are not ready. Most people are in such a hurry to rush right into that next relationship to take their next victim hostage that they don’t pause long enough to ask if they are ready, let alone heal from the previous relationship. Also, be careful if you’re playing around with those online dating sites. You never know. You might meet your next baby daddy in less time than you planned.

I like single. Just single. Single but not available. Because where I’m at right now, if I meet someone, and I did recently, who’s an amazing woman who actually knows how to date, it would look like this:

“Hi, my name is Heartbroken and I’m not over my ex. Let me tell you all about her and every detail. Then I will drive us to our second date in a U-Haul and ask you to spend the rest of your life with me. We can talk all day and night about every single feeling and process them together while making homemade hummus. When there is silence, I will ask you if you are mad at me. I won’t give you a chance to answer and I will then bombard you with a series of questions before you’ve had an opportunity to answer the first question. The series of questions as follows: Do you not want to be with me anymore? Was it something I said or did? Do I have hummus in my teeth? Did I leave too many voicemails? I’m really sorry but your machine kept cutting me off so I kept calling back to explain but I made it worse.” Phew. Had enough? Yeah, you get the point? For the love of God – do not ever do this. Never. Ever. Single and NOT ready to mingle. Enough said.

The lesson here – take time to get to know yourself before trying to get to know someone else. It’s better to be single than in the wrong relationship. You’re just going to hurt yourself and them.

—Jay

All those eggs..

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Do you find that you put them into that little basket..too often? Yeah, it’s a problem with most people and we’re trying to teach ourselves a new technique.

You see, men, a lot of them always have a back-up plan. For an example, (sorry bobs) they always have something or someone there for them when things go wrong, or a back-up plan if something fails. It could be pig-ish or it could be genius. If we get over the fact that this is absolute truth and move on to the fact that it’s actually a smart move..snaps for the smart men out there.

eggsinabasket

We’ve learned this past week again, not to believe everything we hear and be content with what we have. There is far too much going on in the world and around us everyday to have our minds set on just ONE person or ONE job or ONE thing. Don’t get us wrong, if you have a great job and a great relationship, congratulations! You achieved what you wanted but for the rest of us still trying to get that job or find that perfect mate, take that old idiom and use it.

Just stay true to you and good things will come your way. Promise.

xo,

The Ultimate Betties

Attention ALL: Gossip Girls

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Betty Rule #17: Don’t Gossip

Next to the Golden rule should be parenthesis (this includes no gossiping). We’re human and we all love hearing the 411 on people. We don’t expect people to just quit this cold turkey. However, there are manners involved. For instance, you hear a juicy story and discuss it amongst a small group. Fine. That is if this small group includes those you FULLY trust. If not, the game of telephone has now begun. One person from that small group will run to another small group relying the story. Now, the scoop on Sally’s break-up has turned into a drama series of her ex sleeping with the next door neighbor. Which is completely false!

We forget that while we’re gossiping about someone, they are dealing with the actual issue. Instead of making it worse by hearing 12 different stories that are untrue… Ask if they need help, A person to talk to, or your best bet: STAY OUT OF IT.

Remember this the next time it’s YOU being gossiped about. No one likes it! We’re all adults now and this shouldn’t even require a post! Do us all a favor and TRY your hardest to turn over a new leaf by not allowing gossip in your circle of friends.

xoxo,

West Coast Betty

Take a deeper look

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We all know the old adage “don’t judge a book by its cover” but do YOU actually practice what you preach…or read? Yeah, we know it’s hard. But we have found ourselves, lately, surrounded by people who tend to do this more than we’d like.

And that’s fine, that’s their prerogative. However, these Betties are excellent at reading people. Down to the core, OK, maybe not that deep but we will pat ourselves on the back for how awesome we are at seeing the good in people. Even when countless people tell us to stay away we usually already know what to do.iceberg

Sometimes people’s opinions of others is right but usually it’s wrong. People only see what they want to see. It’s only unless they truly care about you that they’re going to see what lies beneath the exterior. Just like Facebook and Instagram, we all only show what we like and what we think looks good. Same as in in the flesh, we choose to show people what we want.

We challenge you to be different from the rest, or at least try something new. Don’t judge the next person you see or get to know a person you’ve already met deeper. Only you can determine if someone to going to be good to you or for you.

You are the only one who will know what is best for you, trust yourself more.

xo,

The Ultimate Betties

Paying it Forward

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A personal story for our What did we learn this week:

This past week I was at work doing my thing and this man came up to the bar. Immediately, I asked him what I could get for him and he replied with “I’m just waiting to pay, and how is your night going?” I then started to tell him about how dead it had been. He finished his transaction with his waitress and proceeded to walk away.

Almost immediately he returned and upon his return I noticed a $20 bill that he had slipped under my wine opener. I looked at him and said “Sir, you don’t have to do that!” he said “let me tell you this story” :

I was in Texas at my daughters graduation from a rehab center and I took her and about 30+ other people out to eat. The bill couldn’t of been cheap, I want to say around $1800 at least. I asked for the bill and the waitress told me that it had been taken care of, needless to say I was shocked! I found out that the man sitting in the booth alone on the other side of the restaurant had paid our bill. We were told that his daughter had also attended the same rehab that my daughter had. However, she was later killed by a drunk driver, and he came into this restaurant everyday and ate alone.

As chills ran across my body I kept my eyes locked with this mans while he finished his story. He said ever since that day every time he comes into this restaurant he likes to give something back in memory of what that nice stranger did for him. Paying it forward.

I was SO touched by this story, and he taught me a lesson too. That man gave me a $20 bill and I didn’t even serve him a drink.. just to do what he felt was right. Take a lesson from this story and pay it forward every now and then. Not only will it make you feel good it will make that person feel even better.

It’s the little things in life that make the biggest difference!

XO,

East Coast Betty

Top 10 Faves on Insta

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We are no different than you: we are just as tapped into Instagram as the rest. We chose our top ten favorite profiles! Definitely take a look and follow them. You will not regret it.

1. Alana Blanchard – Model/ Surfer
@alanarblanchard
2. Hypebeast – Online Fashion Magazine
@hypebeast
3. Nasty Gal – New & Vintage Clothing
@nastygal
4. Insomniac Events – EDM
@insomniacevents
5. NYC Street Art – Graffiti in NYC
@streetartnyc
6. Black Milk Clothing – Leggings
@blackmilkclothing
7. The Ultimate Fitness – Fitness Blog
@theultimatefitspo
8. Birchbox – Beauty Products
@birchbox
9. Victoria’s Secret – Lingerie
@victoriassecret
10. Pasqula Rotella – Owner of Insomniac Events
@pasqularotella

Enjoy!
Xo,
The Ultimate Betties

Although we love a good drunk text..

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don’t do it!

drunk_texting.jpg

Here’s the thing about drunk texting, no matter what you “logically” think is acceptable to say at the time..it’s not. The next day we bet you cringe when you pick up your phone and scroll through the latest sent messages.

We have a solution, not that we use it all the time but it’s worth the try. And, yes it definitely works. By now we all have smart phones, and even if it’s not an iPhone, they all must have some sort of notepad or word pad or some kind of app you can download to write down those crazy thoughts in your head. That’s just it, when you get drunk or even when you’re sober.. whip out that phone and go to town! Curse out every dirt bag in your life if you want.

Never go through with sending it but the feeling of releasing those emotions and energies is powerful..i.e. the power of writing. Of course, do what you feel when you want to but our advice is to avoid that route at all costs and..

Our advice usually works,

The Ultimate Betties xo

Dear Candice

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Oscar Wilde said it best – “To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance”

Dedicated to Candice

Think of a stream with water running through it with no current. Now, imagine yourself swimming upstream against the current you created. I am sure many of us can imagine creating our own problems. I was the problem. Some people are quick to blame others for their problems. I know today that the currents in my life are the ones I have created. I produced them for myself and for her. I loved her despite myself. She loved me anyway.

The majority of my drama has been of my own making. People sometimes aren’t aware of the drama that they are in because they’re too caught up in their own bullshit (current) to see it. I’m guilty of this and anyone who knows me and is reading this is most definitely nodding their head up and down in agreement.

The best part about people who are drama is that they just bitch bitch bitch about everything wondering why they have so much drama in their life. And WHINE. Whine about everything. OMG,  just stop, save the drama for your mama and look in the mirror. You are no longer that little stream with a few little currents; you’re more like the owner of an amusement park operating the wave pool. What’s funny is you think everything is about you and cry regularly because Jane Doe deleted you from Facebook. Why you consider this Jane Doe a BFF baffles me because you guys aren’t even friends in real life. Half the time you think people delete you from Facebook when they’ve actually just deactivated their account due to their own drama. Ha! Come on, you know you’ve done this at least once. We’ve all done it. Don’t try and deny the fact that you thought one of your Facebook “friends” deleted and blocked you when really; they simply deactivated their account. Time to get real. Lesbehonest.

In all seriousness, regarding love and life – I was missing a key ingredient…self-love. I think it’s hard for people to love someone else if they don’t fully love themselves. See, the stream is my life. The water is me. The current is what I manifested while swimming upstream against the natural flow of life. At times it felt like a monstrous and considerably greater current than it was. Currents don’t have to exist.

Throughout my life, some of the currents have often felt like an undertow one could experience in the ocean during high tide unable to return to shore. It is only as of late that I’m aware of the undertow that I’ve created for myself. Self-awareness is another key ingredient. Otherwise, you are living a recipe for disaster dumbfounded why your life is a hot mess. The water was intended to be pure. It is for the most part. I believe we are all pure at the core of our beings.

How did I come to understand all of this? Love. Pain. Loss. Heartbreak. She was my greatest love and my biggest teacher. Sure, some may consider it a revolving door relationship, but boy did we try. We tried long and hard. Underneath all of the bullshit, we loved one another so very deeply. She recently told me I couldn’t possibly love her. I did. Very much. I still do. I always will. I loved her as best as I was capable. I told her some time ago if things didn’t work out, she’d always be the one that got away.

Who knows what forever really means anyway? But maybe, just maybe, nothing lasts forever. Or, maybe it does and it’s supposed to last as long as the forever you’re supposed to have with someone until forever runs its course. She saw me, the real me, better than I saw myself, and she loved me despite the current. But she was drowning and I was pulling her down. I didn’t know how to swim. How could I support us both out there in high tide when she was the air I was breathing as I kept going under pulling her down with me?

She couldn’t be my life-jacket anymore. She had to let go. She did it for both of us. I broke our hearts. I can see that now in hindsight but boy does heartbreak suck. It bugs the shit out of me when I hear people say, “It will be ok. Time heals all wounds.” But it does. It’s true. My heart is healing. Slowly. I’m learning. What’s most important is allowing yourself the time to do so. Time to heal. She’s forced me to dig deep enough within myself to find the answers because that’s where the truth lies. That’s the lesson. She’s changed my life.

I will never forget her. In the beginning she told me I renewed her capacity for love. You want to know why she has been so instrumental in my life? I’ll tell ya. Maybe I did renew her capacity for love. She should know she renewed my capacity for love too, more than words can ever express.

The lesson here – love yourself first. No one can be your life-jacket. Everyone around us is our teacher. Look for the lessons in everyone and everything.

XO,

Jay

Vitameatavegamin

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This isn’t quite like an I Love Lucy episode; we have found that taking vitamins daily is vital to your overall health. We aren’t getting any younger Betties, so we must prepare by taking care of our bodies now!

We chose our top categories and will list which vitamins you need to take to support that area in your life.

Beauty (A true betty takes pride in her looks)

Cognitive (to regain all of those lost brain cells from EDC & TAO over the years) There are many different vitamins in this category. We chose our two favorites.

  • Omega 3- Fatty Acids
  • SAM-e

Heart (the most vital organ in our body)

Digestive (diet pills are a NO; to maintain a healthy weight making sure you are on track with digestion is the healthiest and most effective long-term)

  • Multivitamin
  • Prebiotics
  • Probiotics
  • Vitamin D

Immune (An apple a day keeps the DR away)

  • Echinacea
  • Multivitamins
  • Vitamin C
  • Vitamin E
  • Zinc

Most of these vitamins are familiar to you but any that you are unsure of (beauty especially) do research. Find what brand works for you! Take it even a step further. If you have a local nutrition store; go browse and ask the store clerks for their opinion.

KEEP CALM & STAY HEALTHY!

XO,

The Ultimate Betties

The L Word

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I am proud of who I am. Especially today. I pretty much put the G in Gay or L in Lesbian or H in Homosexual. But really, what does it matter anyway? Gay, Straight, Bisexual, it’s all the same. Love is love. Relationships are not complicated. It’s the people in them that complicate the shit out of them. If your fiancé would rather stay home and watch ice-skating preliminaries versus going out on a romantic dinner date with you, you might want to take a look at how often he gets his hair cut, or quite possibly count the number of Aveda products he owns, and if you’re still wondering if your fiancé likes men more than you; check his closet. No pun intended on the closet mention…But seriously, if he wears his T-shirts tighter than you, goes to the GAY LA Fitness and comes home several hours later without breaking a sweat, then you might want to take a look at why the two of you haven’t exchanged intimate relations in the past three years. Clearly, there is something missing. It’s ok. If you truly love yourself then you can let him go. Let him go find his prince-charming. It will be hard at first but often times people don’t know they are gay.

Take me for example. I didn’t know I was in high school but Ashley did. So, after going through a recent break-up, afraid of love and fearing I’d never find it again, love will always find a way. I did familiarize myself with the madness in which we call online dating,as well, which was a HUGE help in coming to understand that love was there all along. I just had to look within myself, not on Plenty of Fish. There is no love more validating other than that of self, and not in a narcissistic manner, but a self-validating fashion. See, the writing on the wall speaks volumes and it is always there. We just need to be aware. The best relationships begin when we least expect them. It’s when we aren’t searching and looking for “something” when love comes knocking at your door. For me, she was there all along. But who would have thought we’d reconnect on this level fourteen years later? It’s new and wonderful and exciting and oh, so very gay. If gay means happy, then I’m truly happy. Ashley, that’s her name. She’s a breath of fresh air. We literally broke out in song earlier to the Little Mermaid. “No, the Little Mermaid is my bitch! No, she’s mine. Fine, Finding Nemo is #2 on my list. No! It’s my #2.”

The bottom line: All labels aside, love doesn’t discriminate. The only thing that discriminates is ignorance. Today is a big day in our country regarding the cases being heard before the Supreme Court with respect to Proposition 8 and DOMA. All love is equal. Love has no limits. The greatest love of all is the love for oneself and the rest will follow.